i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
