went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Good thing I've started drinking again
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.