i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
