we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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