Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize