dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
