she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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