Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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