This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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