I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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