We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
