i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
