Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
