But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Randomize
