I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I supernannyed him into submission
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
