i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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