I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
