So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
