I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
