She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
