Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
