Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Come see our sink grown plant.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
