for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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