Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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