Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I want a musical about memes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
