i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
