Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
