so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize