I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
