everyone is single if you try hard enough
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
