So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize