What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
