No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
