at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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