My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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