explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
