we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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