oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
