uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
