Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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