What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
