drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
