I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
