Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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