ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
