I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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