Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
