I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
