I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
