no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
