i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
