What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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