I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
