he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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