I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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