So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
