just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i used baking grease as lip gloss
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
