Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
