3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
