did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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