do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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