I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
