how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
