While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
