Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
