I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
