If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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