I wish I only lived at night.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
