i think my tv is drunk
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
