my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
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