It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
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I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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