Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
