I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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