"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm too high and old for this...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
