His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
he just fucked me for my cheese.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Your penis caused this!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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