Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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