Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
