I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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