i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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